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In the morning when I arrived at my bank job, I would call him right away. to 6 p.m., and our conversations were a welcome respite from my monotonous routine. I'm not looking for a relationship; I was just trying to have some e-mail fun.""E-mail fun? But his e-mail felt emotionally honest, and despite his obvious issues, I liked him. Within weeks, we were talking every day; that quickly developed into an obsessive six to eight hours a day. This guy had already managed to hurt me, in the space of just two weeks. We spoke for hours about everything, from our damaged childhoods to jobs to exes to first kisses.
He said he'd joined determined to overcome his intimacy fears but hadn't been moved by any of the women he'd met. I want to hear your voice."He called me that night, and was even smarter and funnier on the phone. "Ever since my father died, I've been terrified to get too close to anyone..." The e-mail was long and apologetic, full of searing self-criticism and shamefaced confessions.The mere sound of Jamie's voice made my heart thump wildly. He said he'd like nothing more than to meet me but admitted he still felt scared. "You might not be attracted to me."In hindsight, I should have cut and run right then.But I wanted badly to connect with someone, and the truth is, I shared some of his fears.
Being treated as my father's intellectual and emotional equal was heady stuff, and I'm guessing it was then that I developed a taste for the whispered intimacy of a forbidden nighttime chat.Over the next few months, my e-mails and calls with Jamie grew increasingly passionate.