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So I figured I’d create a handy how-to list, which will hopefully be helpful to those ready to pop on out of the fat closet, or who already have but aren’t having much success.
This is written in a pretty heteronormative manner, which I apologize for, but the experiences I’m most familiar with are men trying to chase women here. Mentioning this first because it’s SUPER important, and it’s the first thing guys tend to mess up on.
I mentioned that most of us have had bad experiences, being the ‘secret’ lover, not ever getting to meet a guy’s friends, and it’s really quite painfully true. There are lots of folks out there who hate fat people. But the truth is, fat is one of those defining features that can’t really be ignored.
) The more I talk to my friends, the more I realize that men have no idea how to talk to fat girls.A lot of times when a fat girl is out with a guy in public, people assume that they’re ‘just friends.’ There’s such a stigma out there that fat girls never get the guy. Understand that us ladies live in a culture where every magazine, every commercial, every ad is telling us that our bodies are wrong. Living in a fat bodies shapes many experiences for a person, and it’s important to understand and be sensitive to it.You don’t have to state that you’re attracted to larger bodies. You talking to a fat girl, showing interest, says all we need to know, without words! And it doesn’t win you any points.) It may seem silly to mention, but it actually is important. There’s no special way you need to talk to them, no different procedure, here. That can be a real self-esteem killer for us, and it can make us gun shy. Just try to assure her that you’re attracted to what’s on the inside and the outside! I understand that it can be hard, you’re afraid of your friends or your family ragging on you for dating fat girls.You wouldn’t message a thin girl and say ‘I think you’re hot, I’m really attracted to skinny girls’, would you? So we can tend to be a little leery when a guy professes interest. If you’ve managed to stick by rule number one, you might get a question like ‘So you don’t care that I’m fat? This might sound harsh, but you have no idea how many men expect some kind of reward for being attracted to fat girls. Maybe it’s not socially ‘in’ right now, but the fact of the matter is, PLENTY of guys like fat girls. But if you think that’s bad, try being the fat girlfriend.
This is loosely based on my own experiences as well as the experiences and suggestions of many girls I’ve talked to. Look, as much as I’m a body positivity advocate, as much as I call myself fat, as much as I realize that attraction is important and some people are attracted to fat bodies (which is totally cool! As fat girls, we spend a lot of our lives being treated differently–and it’s usually not in a good way. We’re just looking for you to get it and not do more of the same!
) weight is just something you shouldn’t mention to anyone in a first conversation, fat or thin. It makes us feel like you’re talking to us JUST for our body. You don’t need to have the username ‘bbwlover2012′, you don’t need to talk in your profile about how you’re looking for a fat girl, or how you define yourself as a chubby chaser*. As much as it may seem counterintuitive since I’m writing a whole post on how to date a fat girl, but a lot of this can be boiled down to this simple statement: date a fat girl the same way you’d date any other girl.