Conflict in dating and marital relationships
Great relationships develop not from the absence of conflict, but from determining an agreeable pattern for how to resolve conflict.Defining the rules of engagement for how you "fight" with someone you care about is ultimately much more important than trying to never have a disagreement. Adding emotion clouds the clarity of what actually happened.People rarely get upset for no reason, so there is a good chance that there is at least a kernel of truth to what they are saying.Rule #4: Don't speak in generalities of another person's behavior; speak only to direct examples and instances of action.In the midst of a disagreement, you can never underestimate the power and importance of reminding the other person that you care about them and believe in them.Rule #3: Be open to the idea that you made a mistake even if you are sure you did not.Although the idea of waiting for the other person to apologize first seems vindicating, it's actually a guaranteed sign of how you care more about being Rule #7: Do not cuss.Exaggerated language is often proof of an exaggerated understanding of what actually happened.
Rule #2: Always start and end the conversation by affirming that you care about the other person.If you swear, the other party is likely to only hear the expletives and will stop listening for any validity in what you're saying.Rule #9: Remind yourself the other person also cares about reconciling the relationship.It's hard for anyone to own up to a generalization and so you'll likely just see his or her defensiveness activate.
By isolating an instance of fact, everyone can quickly see where he or she was Rule #5: Always work to be the first to apologize when any dispute arises.
One of the fundamental causes of many disagreements is feeling hurt that the other person is no longer considering your perspective, but if they didn't care about a resolution with you they wouldn't be fighting for one.