In our culture, Greek life and athleticism are at the pinnacle of black masculinity.If you are a black gay man who has faced rejection and disrespect for not fitting into this narrow definition, to tangle with anyone who does may feel like a personal victory. For one, I didn't believe that I could maintain the security and confidence to have a sincere openly gay relationship that didn't have any real risk.It's time to drop that "down-low" hook-up you met online who would not unlock his pictures until you met at a private location.No more chasing "trade" who will spew homophobic slurs in the day and then privately text you late at night.There was something rebellious and tempting about receiving a whispering cat-call from a guy no one suspects is gay.The idea and cockiness that came from knowing that I was the apple of many of the football players' and frat boys' eyes was a guilty pleasure.No more late-night notifications from bgclive.com, no more going to the back of the room to respond to the guy who was too scared to flirt with me in public. Since then I have been fortunate and grateful to be in a long-term relationship with a man who loves me openly and freely without any shame.
There was a suspense that came from being a secret lover, and for some reason I thought this secrecy defined my mass appeal.
Was I this damn sexy that someone would risk their reputation just to have me?