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Getting these answers become more and more important as you become more involved and then obsessed with your lover and realize that you are not as central to him as he is to you.
(I am using the term “the other woman” as a literary convenience because statistics show that married men have affairs more frequently than do married women.
However, most of the following also applies to men who find themselves in this position.) Rona Subotnik illuminates a list of paradoxical realities that you may find yourself living with as the other woman.
Here is my version of her findings: Treasured, but used Being in love gives you the feeling that you are precious and treasured by him, but you cannot help but wonder…if it wasn’t for the sex, would he still want to be with me?
But as things progress and the honeymoon period wears off you start to have questions, you bring them up to you lover, but most likely come away with answers that leave you only partially or not at all satisfied.
These questions have to do with what you mean to him, whether or not he will leave his wife for you, how he can justify cheating on his wife, whether or not he has done this before, or is cheating on you now.
If you are a single woman that has been seeing a married man for some time and reading this, chances are that you have already gone through the initial stages of infatuation and blinding bliss.
You can feel this, yet are afraid it would cause more damage to their feelings about you if they knew.
If you didn’t make it so easy and perfect when he is with you, by not complaining and making sure you look absolutely gorgeous, by having the house spotless…if you were just your ordinary every day self, the way his wife is, would he still treasure you?
If you weren’t providing an escape from another relationship, would he still want you?
Intimate, but isolated You have a wonderful newfound closeness with this man that you may not have had for a very long time.
However, as time goes by he becomes one of the few people you can be intimate with because you cannot share what is most important for you in your life with most others.
Your sense of intimacy with your lover can seem more intense when he becomes one of the few people you can really talk to.