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06-Dec-2015 14:30

Your legs are like an Oreo Cookie - I wanna split them and eat all the good stuff in the middle. If you thought Disneyland was the happiest place on earth, you haven’t been in my pants yet! Excuse me, but would you like an orally stimulated orgasm? Your face reminds me of a wrench, every time I think of it my nuts tighten up. My friend over there really wants your number so he knows where to get a hold of me in the morning. You're just like my little toe, because I'm going to bang you on every piece of furniture in my home.

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I hope you like dragons, because I'll be dragon my balls across your face tonight.

I could have sworn I saw you checking out my package.

If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put 'U' between 'F' and 'CK' F**k me if I'm wrong, but isn't your name Laura?

I'm no weather man, but you can expect more than a few inches tonight. Do you know the difference between my dick and a chicken wing?

There will only be 7 planets left after I destroy Uranus. I may not go down in history, but I'll go down on you. I think it's time I tell you what people are saying behind your back... " I may not be a windshield repairman, but I can still fill your crack in.