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27-Oct-2015 21:31

As she sobs at this revelation in a bathroom stall, Charlotte tries to remain optimistic by asking, “Is he a good kisser? Look how cute he looks, moving around, and saying things like that! It was a few years ago (I’ve changed a few small details to protect his identity), and I had a crush on a 28-year-old filmmaker who frequented the bar I worked in. ” Like most women, I carry around my own small-penis story, to be shared at moments precisely like this.

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Last night, over dinner, I was caught off guard when a female friend of mine—a bookish writer who’s rarely the type to talk explicitly about sex—said to me, “I think guys with really tiny penises should be made to wear a warning.” She continued sternly, “It’s the worst when you meet a guy you’re really into, the chemistry and flirtation are wonderful, and then you find out he has a small dick. After months of flirtation, he finally invited me to the screening of a short film that he’d written, directed, and starred in.I just think, for god’s sake, I wish I would have known, so I could have avoided investing all that time and energy.” I have to say, it felt like I was living inside an episode of Specifically the final episode of the first season, when Samantha starts dating a lawyer named James, only to find that his penis is so tiny that she can’t even tell when it’s inside her. I went, and actually got butterflies in my stomach while watching him on the big screen.Clearly, it’s chemistry, passion, and technique that matter most. I also always become hyperaware that if I sleep with a guy with a small penis only once, it’s going to appear as if I didn’t want to see him again because of his size.Thus, my problem with small dicks isn’t that they result in a lack of pleasure, but rather that they can be kind of, well . Maybe the reason I worry about these things is because women have a nurturing instinct—we naturally want to care for and encourage—or maybe I’m just a very anxious person. Our date turned out wonderful—he was funny, successful, hot, blah blah blah—the perfect guy.

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All of this was in the name of comedy, of course, but as everyone in the theater around me roared with laughter, I found myself thinking: Only a man who actually has a microscopic dick would ever write a joke like that. Before I finish my story, I should probably mention that I don’t really mind small dicks.

Don’t get me wrong, there’s something very beautiful and majestic and virile about the sight of a large, erect penis.



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