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I think she was kind of proud in a way…that she felt her associating with me meant that she was better than other Mexicans.It always struck me as odd and I felt kind of guilty to discover that she thought of me as “higher class” than Mexicans in a way. There was always this lingering sense that I was different or that I thought myself superior.“.My status within the family dropped day by day and I was constantly reminded by her and my sister-in-law that I was an outsider.She would point out all the time about how funny their family would look to other Mexicans now that there was a ” little white girl” in the group.“All the other Mexicans are going to wonder what this white girl is doing with us” she would add with a chuckle.It’s not because I’m afraid exactly, but I guess there is this knee jerk reaction that comes with “learning your place” in order to prevent the onslaught of attacks that come with being committed to someone of another race.Guaranteed, racism doubles when the offending races are in close quarters and being in an interracial relationship means that you’re in the “line of fire” every time there’s a dispute.
We weren’t professionals, we didn’t have money and yes, we were often crudely unrehearsed in our social etiquette.
For her, this was like a double blow…now, not only did she have a white girl in her family to “water down” the genes, but the girl had no status and was completely useless in any plans she might have to elevate her appearance amongst Latinos.