Online dating recovery
But a recovering love addict is a totally different, unique individual who has to approach dating with far more precaution than the average guy or girl. If you are still emotionally attached to a person, it keeps you safe from having to date someone new, and thus, experience the possibility of new pain and rejection.
We have high expecations too soon, or of the wrong people, and then, once we see that our expectations are not getting met, we whine about it, but settle anyway. Having high expectations like, “I will be respected,” comes under “Values” in #10) 4. If you are OK within yourself then you can be far more discerning with whom you choose to date. You are simply dating because you would like to meet someone that you can enjoy. A love addict has to be on constant alert of his or her personal motives.But there’s a simple formula for expectations: we can only have high expectations of people who are healthy enough, interested enough and capable of meeting our expectations. You didn’t go on this date “expecting” for a second or third date. Know the difference between dating and desperation. If you feel a void within you, you may pick and choose prospective dates for the wrong reasons. And many of my dear friends on the LAA boards have started to date again (or want to date), after a long winter of introspection and recovery work. And when you know this, the safer and more successful you will be. Lastly, there is the issue of replacing one Po A with another, diving from one relationship into another, thus being “ready” for the wrong reasons. A date is not romantic, it is not your future, it is not love, it is not a dreamy Hollywood story of passion and ardor. If this wasn’t a love addiction blog I would definitely say, Carpe Diem! Just as a recovering alcoholic has to reconfigure the people, places and things in his sober life, so too does a recovering love addict. Some love addicts become emotionally or sexually “anorexic,” which is a form of sex and/or love addiction also.
He or she is simply looking for their next “fix.” How do you know the difference between being ready and looking for your next fix? Otherwise, these areas of emotional and behavioral unrest need to be resolved first, before you’re ready. They want to talk to you, maybe they even want to kiss you at the end of the night. WHen you meet up with someone for the purpose of getting to know you, and vice versus, you have to try and remove the romantic element, otherwise, you leave yourself open to fantasy and high expectations, which brings me to tip #3… Any more than that and you’re barking up the wrong tree.
You see, understanding the concept of expectations is probably a love addict’s biggest hurdle. Or do you hate your life because it’s missing a soulmate? Knowing what is driving your desire to date can have a huge impact on WHO YOU CHOOSE to date. You’re not dating out of need or desperation to fill a void.